MISC.

I look forward to feeling old at this list every single year. Some faves from this year:

• For most of their lives, maintaining relations between the U.S. and the rest of the world has been a woman’s job in the State Department.
• There has always been football in Jacksonville but never in Los Angeles.
• Since they’ve been born, the United States has measured progress by a 2 percent jump in unemployment and a 16 cent rise in the price of a first class postage stamp.
• Outdated icons with images of floppy discs for “save,” a telephone for “phone,” and a snail mail envelope for “mail” have oddly decorated their tablets and smart phone screens.
• There have always been blue M&Ms, but no tan ones.
• Before they purchase an assigned textbook, they will investigate whether it is available for rent or purchase as an e-book.
• Mr. Burns has replaced J.R.Ewing as the most shot-at man on American television.
• Despite being preferred urban gathering places, two-thirds of the independent bookstores in the United States have closed for good during their lifetimes.

Credit to Zack and Jeff Sandman for a lot of these.

The Original:

Pizza in the morning. / Pizza in the evening. / Pizza at suppertime. / When pizza’s on a bagel, / you can eat pizza anytime.

Hemingway:

Pizza in the morning. Pizza in the evening. Pizza at suppertime. When a man looks in the…